Probably its the Law of Probability....

Probability.. The first thing that hits my grey matter here is the Mathematics Chapter that was a part of the syllabus in 12th Std.. a scary complex chapter that ruled the Math subject for the subsequent years also, getting more and more complex and incomprehensible in the long run.. (except for the dice part..that was pretty much simple).  Never understood why I had to study this tortuous-unfathomable-impenetrable chapter in my 12th when all I wanted to study was Biology. I must say, I was'nt alone in my hatred towards this chapter, it was unappealing to almost everyone.. (there r exceptions everywhr as u know).  

To give you some idea on the complexity of the topic, here is an example. There are 4 red balls and 2 green balls in bag A. And there are 3 red balls and 5 green balls in bag B. Mary took out one ball from bag A then put it into bag B. And then she took one ball out from bag B. What is the probability of the ball she took from bag B is red ball? What is the probabilty if it's green ball?  

Hellooo.. how in the wrld r we supposed to find this?????? It would'nt be wrong if I say the topic left a  grave impact on the pshychologies of our tender minds.. thts to sum it up..

Now I realize the hidden secret of probability.

I used to always ponder on the fact that why everything happens the way it does, why not otherwise. How does the universe function?  Is there any such mechanism or any such unperceived fact that rules and controls what happens in this universe?? Or mabbe any such Law that governs everything?? Sure there are many, the thermodynamic laws, laws on energy etc...I am not any student of Physics and I am unaware of the various metaphysical concepts of nature, but I guess among all the laws of nature that predominate, Law of probability is one of them, that governs our lives and our future. Probably, its the law of probability that might answer these queries.

Simply saying, the law of probability is that the more possibilities and options u include, the lower the chances will be for a particular outcome to happen.  Its nothing but the degree of likeliness that a particular thing might happen or would happen for sure.  

Now, the important Qn here is what influences this law of Probability?? The plausible answer might be the Choices we make that affect the probability of occurrence of a particular event.  Choosing things helps to narrow down the no. of possibilities or what may be called as concentrating or focussing on a certain area. And as we know limiting the no. of options increases their probability to happen. By narrowing down on our options we tend to exclude the other possibilities, in which case , the probability of their occurrence would be zero (unless acted upon by some other force or reason).

I would give u an example here... my personal example.. I took up Biotechnology as a career in my Bachelors n Masters. This means there is a very very faint possibility of me now entering into Engineering or Medicine, that is something having a probability of zero. Now if I go for PhD studies further on.. I would increase my probability of entering into the field of research.

This is just a superficial example.. simple as it appears.. But understanding the other tangled aspects of "What happened in our lives and Why" is all the more difficult..But this is a fact... that by making proper choices in life, v can be more certain of what we aspire in life and increase our probability of fulfilling that aspiration.. 

So, why do people fail in achieving what they want.. why they do not get successful or prosperous in their life or why they are not happy??? Possibly the answer to this Qn is "Doubts". Changing minds over your decisions, doubting your decision..all this would surely increase the no. of possibilities and would thereby decrease the probability of something that you actually desire for. This would just add to the "probability list" and would make things worse. When you desire something, that "something" would happen only if you zero down your other options and try concentrating and focussing on tht "something". Limiting your options and Increasing Probability ..thts the key.

Also what fuels these doubts...uhmm..Wrong thinking. Thoughts become actions ..as they say. And actions speak everything that happens or would happen to us. So everything just boils down to "right thinking". I read this somewhere and would like to quote this "If you focus on one thing and one thing only, everything unlike it disappears and only that which the focus have been placed upon manifests".

Now, we all know the law of probability and we should try making most of it..Now as the clock is ticking away the last minutes of the year.. we believe that we would be able to work on our dreams and desires with a rationale and rightful thinking and we would surely be capable enuf to live in our Utopian worlds that we dreamt of. Happy new year to all .. may uall hv a rockin year ahead..

The only thing that will stop you from fulfilling your dreams is you...The probable is what usually happens and Chance favors the prepared mind...

Traffic v/s Thoughts

 I was stuck amidst the traffic for almost an hour.. Luckily.. my iPOD was'nt charged that day.. nor did I have any book to read .. and so was listening to the one-note honking song ( was having a fuckin gd time)..Not to forget the Aroma therapy doing a perfect thing to enhance my emotional wellbeing..I was inhaling O (Wait a minute... did I forget to write C before O).. Mabbe this is what we call as (whts the word from "e")...Exhilaration .. uhh no... Exhaustion ??? Bingo..

I jus had a casual glance in the open blue sky..(seein blue sky is a "treat for the eyes", a break from your eyes getting locked on to the traffic line and weary people victimised by the tortures of it)..There were these denizens of the open sky.. the Birds ..merrily swaying n chirping...njoying their freedom.. (lucky souls). And Here I was gripped in the traffic.. All helpless..Longing to break open the chains and get free..I was so envious of the free souls up there....

Now it was important that I divert my mindset from the great music been played ..It did make me go all nuts..(Now "diverting minds" is a great help to those who go nuts often)..I ordered my thoughts to gear up and get ready for a ride... Thoughts started meandering and wandering along leaving behind a chain of thoughts..

Here I would pick up one of the many thoughts that kept marching in my Grey matter ...Now one of the thought mothered an avalanche of thoughts ..all starting with "What if"...

1. What if I evolved somehow and developed wings of my own..no begging around in front of those winged bodies atleast..what I needed was jus some genetic mutations here n there and tht's it..(But I guess that would take jus a century more for the mutations to arise)

2. What if I had the means of transportation as that used by Mr. Spidey .. jus throw out strong threads out of the wrist and fly from one building to the next, clinging onto the thread.. (I attempted tht action of bending the wrist forward down but.. no luck..I was still in the cab)

3. What if I was a proud owner of a helicopter...I would jus make a call n it would be at my service (I checked my pockets..lucky I was to find a 100 Rupee note to pay to the taxi driver...and neither I had any beau who was any Ambani..)

4. What if I had  a beau like the handsome Twilight guy..Edward..surely he wd cum to my rescue.. All i had to do is take a  vampire-ride and in no time I would be out of the polluted place..(But the vampire was busy wid Bella..doin the next film..and anyways he was a Vampire..they could also go nuts.. )

Suddenly the cab's wheel started rolling.. the traffic lights turned green.. The "What if's " got interrupted. This was the end of my thoughtful session on freedom...Nevertheless, the birds were in the open sky.. and me in the cab!!!. But, Finally I breathed some gd air as the car moved on....(was it the green signal or my crazy insane thots that made the cab move on ..remains a mystery.) 

My thoughts still kept wandering..but now onto some different route. 

We might get in the soup many-a-times..(shallow or a deeper one..) the right thinking makes a difference..Nonetheless.. In the end, its all a Mind-game.. Its upon us to feel elated and happy ..or.. remain in a suspended animation.

If the worst comes to the worst..We need not worry...Thanks to our thoughts and imaginations.. We can survive.. in the heavy traffic..We can survive... No matter what !!!

Is the Melody of Humanity turning Cacophonous????

Came across this article in yesterday's newspaper...

"Doctors in a hospital in Jamnagar not only refuse to treat an HIV +ve patient, but also stuck a strip of medicated tape on her forehead saying that she was HIV+ve and moreover the woman was made to walk through the wards of the government hospital with the tape on her forehead".

This woman was illiterate, 2months pregnant wanting to get her pregnancy terminated. 

This is what a traumatised patient expects from those considered to be "Their Gods on Earth".. the Doctors..their "Only Hope"  ??? Is the Melody of Humanity slowly turning Cacophonous?? This rather disgraceful act has added Another Feather in India's Cap of Humanity..

AIDS.. Why is it considered a taboo to such an extent as to erase the whole foundations of humanity and brotherhood ...Ignorance and illiteracy might be the answer... But those who are literate.. those who are responsible for spreading the words of awareness.. they acting in such a Shameful way.. this is just Indigestible somehow...

I had a chance of working in a lab that was working on HIV... The world seemed so very different there.. Reality staring at u.. Muchmore.. Reality staring wid Horrified eyes right in front of those suffering from AIDS.. I saw people facing Peril... I saw Distress.. Fear in their eyes.. Fear that they might not be able to see the next  morning's  sun the night they slept.. 

This was the emotional agonies that they experienced.. Worse was their pains they went thru... the whole bunch of infections that made them so Weary .. so Weak... (All this amazing package jus coz they were victimised by Infidelities of their partners  or via some other source) .

Patients:

There were women who were being cheated by their partners....

There were 4 yr olds who dint even have a slightest clue about wht they were suffering from  .. Who just knew that H, I, V are jus 3 letters among the 26 alphabets in English...(and were somehow happy that they knew their little English that they had learnt...)..

There were truck and taxi drivers who were so very panicky and distressed.. (They actually shared all their bitter stories.. of their debts that they had to repay..  their worries of "who would be there to take care of their sons and daughters".. of their inability to get a cheap cure .. of their helplessness of getting admitted to a hospital.. The money problem haunting around in their minds...)

There were pregnant mothers who could not even terminate their pregnancies.. praying n hoping every millionth of a second that her child gets "fortunate enuf" .. She Struggles, Travels to different hospitals (being 8 months pregnant) .. She visits every possible Temple, Prays to every possible deity.. in the hope that There might be a Miracle somehow...That her child turns out to be Safe... n she leaves no stone unturned to make sure that her child is safe.. little did she knew that it was too late...

I have seen patients Begging for their lives .. Hoping that there might be a Ray of Hope in the black cloud ... Struggling for Living... Struggling for Surviving.. I havent seen Mankind so very helpless.. 

All these patients had one more gift.. Gift that their near n dear ones gave.. by throwing them out of their homes.. out of their lives... Dejected .. Rejected .. from every possible place in the society.. the society throwing stones..throwing bitter remarks at them..

They were dying from AIDS.. Now They were dying Faster....Thanks to the society...The Man was Weeping..

Reality Bites...

The small Wonder molecules of Life...

      With the world spreadin its roots deeper n deeper into science.. I come across many people who call themselves "Agnostic" or "Atheist" ... simply coz they believe that God's existence is not provable ...or coz they jus don believe in the existence of any Super Power ruling the world..they don believe in idol-worshipping.. 

      Yet there are another bunch of people who totally believe in God .. who believe that there is a Deity who rules our destinies and everything that we are today is solely coz of the blessings of the Almighty... 

       I myself am a student of science and strictly believe in the nitty-gritties of the same...But I do believe that there has to be some super-power ..some force... something that cannot be explained.. just needs to be experienced..It might not be in the form of some being or some deity... just a form of energy..that is responsible for the creation of the universe... the same energy dwelling in every person..every living organism on the planet... Something that's so enigmatic yet true..and transcends the intellectual of a person..yet is present within the person.

       Here's is a little something I believe that can be used metaphorically to explain God... 

       I was working in my molecular biology  lab at NIIH... working on how to extract DNA by phenol-chloroform method... At first it seemed rather monotonous... using the same protocol again n again ..for lysis of cells... precipitation of proteins and lipids..and then finally comes the DNA precipitation step. 

        The last step however surprised me to the core.. surrealistic however it might be..but seeing the DNA forming like a White Thread ..(jus millimetres long obtained from 5 ml of blood)... is jus Amazing...it enthralled me.. captivated me... At first the solution turns a little viscous ..then some electrostatic interactions and hydrophobic interactions arise... bubbles forming round a core mass ..And a white thread suddenly appearing from nowhere..the white thread referred to as DNA... I call it "The Small Wonder Molecules of Life".....

        How can such a small molecule ..apparently jus a short white thread... a polymer of jus 4 nucleotides...can have the information .. the blueprint .. the genetic code to the creation of the greatest and amazing species .. Humans... Incredible ..as also Incredulous to fathom..

        As a student of molecular biology I have been aware of the various theories putforth to explain the various phenomenon involved in functioning of the genome..The patterns of expression of genes.. specific genes turning on and turning off at specific times ... Some Upregulated ..While Some downregulated .. The genes controlled by a plethora of transcription factors ..enzymes.. Genes being expressed as well as silenced just at the right time.. expressed just at the right amount... not to forget that the regulation of all this is altogether a another chapter...The various signalling pathways that are activated by various hormones... the DNA replicating to produce daughter cells .. the DNA transcribing and translating to form the biological proteins ..Whoaa.. All this ..so very complex... Yet jus so Perfect.. so Flawless...Every process just so very systematic.. on time.. With all this would'nt it be proper to refer DNA as God????

       As Joseph Campbell puts it... "God is a metaphor for that which transcends all levels of intellectual thought. It's as simple as that. " 

Its not just... Re-search

       It was the month of June 2008... it was drizzling.. filling the air around with a sweet smell of earth and the trees around seeming more greener than ever. The sky was changing its hues from orange to pink to bluish and some undefined beautiful colors.. a treat to the eyes... It's sometime just incomprehensible how the Magic Painter can paint this master piece. There was an air of excitement in the environment... And  I was on my way to NIIH, working on a small research project.

      I was in my lab working on the wonder molecules DNA..Was quite excited on the thought that this time I was actually going to put my theoretical knowledge in solving a complex problem .. that is stepping into the world of research...

      I used to always wonder why ...Research is called "Research" ...until now that i realise the reason behind it.  The word "research" has a pun associated to it .. which is to a certain xtent true...lolz... RE-SEARCH... i.e. Re-doing the Search... lol.. Do the same thing "n number of times" until you are damn sure.. (And this n number..is somewhere around 1000's... ). 

       I had to check the frequency of a polymorphism in HLA-G gene in Recurrent Spontaneous Abortion patients and also in normals... That would be doing the same experiment (PCR..PAGE..AGE) in around 300 people. It would not be strange to know that a particular sample might have to be processed around 5 times if you dont get the results..( and wondering WHY).. and finally realising that this thing is actually making you go Insane..Nuts..damn nervous.. hell tensed...(it could make you cry sometimes...not to forget the Music that follows...Songs been sung by ur GUIDE...ROUDRA RAGA... quite appealing .. pheww ) .....and what you REALLY need is a Break...Time - out...going out  of the lab... seeing the beautiful environment around.. witha cup of COFFEE in hand... and rethinkin on the matter ..which once made you go nuts over it.

       U Think and Think again and this continues..And finally you kinda get to know what might be the plausible reason of the failure and you start workin on it again..wid vigour flowin in ur veins and an optimistic attitude..YOU FORGE AHEAD..certain that this time you would get the result..And And And What you find is that you actually got ur results. Your look on face changes.. makes u glow..u beam..and u r on the top of the world.

        However, this is not the case everytime...sometimes you get lucky enuf and research gives u many chances of going insane..(rediscovering insanity).. and again landin up wid a cup of coffee (Cant imagine research without a cup of coffee..lolzz) But all these rounds make it all the more interesting and challenging...

         One thing that needs mentioning in this context is that ..these rounds of insanity (and sanity that follows) .. is kinda proof that says..Congrats..you have an Analysing Mind. It makes you more confident and makes you dig into those "never-touched"  big hefty books that used to be appealing only when in the bookshelf and not in hand.. (If in hand..would surely invite, what my friends used to say, "Nindradevi" that is Goddess of Sleep.. lol). It makes you read each and every possible research paper related to that topic.. And hey..you actually start loving it.. u start loving the way u r been treated by the research work.. 

         Research...an enigmatic wrld...tht has this strange charisma to it.. where u just do things irrespective of knowing what the end results would turn up to be... You just gottu do things..but yea do them in an appropriate way..  Any mistake.. any flaw... would be hell misleading. The results might as well contradict your lines of thinking..  (which in most of the cases, is by the way.. true); ...which would mother a completely new realm of ideas and hypothesis. 

         There is nuthn like "Impossible" in the dictionary of research. Infact it would be interesting to know that the most impossible hypothesis came out to be the facts of life..You have to be open to the most wildest possibilities..Results could be weird, cd be obtained by chance..accidentally... Chance.. (yes ..this particular word has a say in research..take for eg. the chance discovery of Penicillin by the great Alexander Fleming).... Its not a place where charlatans dwell..(u find xceptions everywhere..but rarely) , its a world that has been embellished by years of struggle and inputs of eminent, intelligent and the curious, brains... An elite bunch of people. Welcum to the weirdest, craziest, strange, xciting world of research.... Yes, now I felt I was an part of it..though a very very small , infinitesimal part... 

Key Words: Re-search, Insanity, Roudra Raga, Coffee, Analysing-mind, Weirdest, Exciting.

A Farewelll to examzz...

         Examinations... the not so xcitin .. the not so cherished phase of everyone's life...(a complete "no no" for me)..equivalent to the taxation system for students. The even thought of it appalled us to the core...a detestable n not so welcumd part..the phase that used to make us go loco in the rat race......Yet an inevitable part....

Just recently I am through with this exam business.. I am done wid the MSc Biotech exams.. probably the last exam I wd have to give (i.e. a formal examination) Seventeen long years ..whr in .. by the end of every year an examination used to decide the fate of the next year...and now.. finally, no examzz...And the even thought of this sends a wave of bliss into my heart.. and I walk on the terrace and laugh ..laugh loudly on top of my lungs .. laugh at the "exams" that used to make me cry.. rejoicing the winning moment. Gone were the days that used to make me like a cat on hot bricks..Gone are the days that used to make me do what I never wanted to.. The dictator in my life is now vanished from my lands...Now comes the phase where I am the Master of my own Life.. With no examinations swaying like a satellite on top of my head.. I am free...free to do whtever I wanna do.. whenever I wanna do. I am the queen.. ruler of my life.

However, (Sometimes i jus hate this word.. it has to be thr in every gd thing i guess) .. those were the seventeen years of my academics i also truly cherished .. ironic howmuchever it may be.. but those where the days that had this queer, silliest, but funny n xciting thing in them. I would miss that i guess...

A sense of tense .. every second before the exam begins .. and a sense of joy that follows when the exams would finish..I would miss that. The fact that we could study the whole syllabus in that last month of the study leave .. but the same syllabus took one whole year for the teachers to complete...that sense of pride ... I would miss it. The rounds of black coffee n postmidnight breakfast (steaming hot cup of maggie at 2 am..lolzz ) with a whole mess of books in front... I would miss that. The colossal portions that were never completed on time, howmuchever hard we tried..seems so very funny today..  I would so very miss it.

The continuous buzzing of the mobile phone .. with your friends keepin a check on you as in " kitna hua padke yaar, fattte vaat lag rahi hai.. ho jayega na padke n all n all" and you doing the same... those silly little talks (but yeaahh /...that came alongwith a recharge of ur cell every day). The times that made me so hell of a busy bee .. (being busy sometimes..for a change.. acha lagta hai). Reading topics for the first time n revising them 1 hr before the exams (while going to the exam centre in an autorickshaw).. relying on whtever thin bunch of notes we had (some of them jus crap.. n these were the times that I was actually grateful to Google), intermittent sleep of jus 2 hrs or so, the times when the watch had so much importance in my life... I would miss alll such things. 

The exams that would take every bit of energy left within us, and make us look like a complete mess.. (believe me.. we used to fear seein ourselves in the mirror..eyebrows gettin bushy, hairs falling prey to the force of gravity, the skin yelling for a moisturiser).  And rushing to the beauty parlours the moment the exams r done....silly we... All such small little silly things that dint mattered then n now so worth it. Well, exams could be fun sometimes..and worth it in return of all such memories.

And I take a break, with an iPOD in hand, n enjoying the breeze on the terrace.. thinkin... thinkin n realising that exams r not yet over... they are the part of our lives ..forever.. they might not be in the form of Questions on the question paper .. but in the form of newer n tougher challenges, real hardcore challenges. The only difference being that the answers that are to be written will be formulated instantly, spontaneously, on our own and not the kind of answers that v used to read it in any book. We would have to make our own book.

So those times that i thought i would miss, I guess they r gonna be back someday, in a new form with a whole new fun package. So this farewell to exams... I  guess is not really a farewell... there is never gonna be a one...

In the Marathon of Life ....

           

Me and the Other Side of me.....

Adrenaline was surging high. I was panting, gasping for air, surroundings spinning in front of me, no more felt that I was running on a flat road, but some kinda road turning suddenly into an uphill... I was dog tired-felt as if every little energy was driven out, drained out, seemed as though all the ATP's in the million cells just got exhausted, burned... All my past years were just streaming ahead in an uncomprehensible faster rate, so fast as not to be understood by any mind,. My brain was shouting for help and lungs for air...

            There were a zillion thoughts rushing and gushing into and out of my neurons. Weird voices calling my names, loud and cleary at a moment and which got faded at the very next second. Things turned multi-dimensional, they were swaying around me. I found myself confounded, perplexed, panicky..not understanding what to do. Everything was getting blurred, dimmer, dimmer and more dimmer. This was the worst situation ever, a nightmare.

         Suddenly, there was this unforgettable voice I heard, perhaps someone "inside me" talking to me, perhaps it was The Other Side of Me... This voice had a strange, but a more commanding tone, yet so vey calming and soothing.. something exactly like a tranquilizer.. a balm. But it was a dominating one, (difficult to explain the fact that it was dominating but soothing at the same time...) It had this strangest kind of strength, it was incomprehensive in itself.. but yet had the power to explain things.. It was uncanny, mysterious, strange, powerful...

        This voice helped me to see a light through the dimness falling on me.. a light which was nothing but the goal, my aim, the thing that was sought-after, most wanted, badly desired.. an aspiration..the purpose of living life.. 

        The voice said, "Cmon, You cant stop, you aren't going to stop now, not now, not after all this. Now that you are in this Race- the Marathon of Life.. you are not breaking or falling low. You aren't looking back, you are going to forge ahead, take a lead... Take a look around, others are still running, you cannot straggle ...You have to take a headon..Cmon, Run... Run again..."

        There was this competition going on between the weary, tired and the confused -"me" on one hand and the commanding, stronger, more powerful -"other side of me" on the other..conflict of words..Arguments .. there were many yes's and no's said.. many if's and but's spoken.. much like a battle being faught .. However, the battlefield was I. 

        At last I conquered and I lost... that is the voice in me conquered.. It had overtaken the weaker"me" now.. I found my strengths regained..the ATP building up in my cells.. my body calming down..energized, and I was ready, prepared,...prepared for the race again...All set to run in the marathon.. all set to run on the "Boulevard of Life".

         As I gained consciousness.. I looked around.. I could see millions of people ..and I was all ready to accompany them .. Every person was different..different with respect to the kind of goal they aspired for, the kind of purpose they were living for... But they all had one similarity,.. they were all running, struggling arduously, fighting,... fighting their battles between their fates and urges..the urge to go on and live what they actually want, what they actually loved,.... they were all living their dreams.....

         People were not competing against the other people, the competition was within one's own self... the competition was about who all would accomplish their goals, their dreams..n how fast..Those who could, were winners..n those who couldn't were losers.

          I do not want to be a loser... But I have this other side of me..helping me out to overcome my shortcomings..Now I find my strength, when there is a weakness..  A light when I am in dark, Hopes in despair... I find all the answers to my problems, in me.. the other side of me..and I know that this other side would help me ..now and forever..This made me realize that the answer lies within me..

         And So I am once again running, all geared up..waving goodbyes to all my pains..all my worries.. all my troubles.. and marching ahead on the rough roads of life, ...Surmounting all my difficulties..Rolling up my sleeves.. Hoping to see light again...and I am Running ... Running Again in the Marathon of Life ...